Gone

Mar 28, 2006
7:45 AM

ur gone to work now, and im eating a peice of bread, not because im hungry (in fact it will prolly make me sick), but because i know that i havent eaten anything in more than 24 hours

i held u last nite, and for the first time i fell asleep on ur chest, maybe its cuz i was so exausted, i dont know. all i know is that im glad that u still let me do that.

this is so hard for me cuz i love u so much and i know that i keep saying that, but only cuz its true. and i want u to understand how much u mean to me. i wouldnt have agreed to marry u if i thought this was just gonna end in a year or so. i said yes to forever. being without u is hell. i cant eat, or sleep. u know i used to hear ppl on tv and stuff say "it only hurts when i breathe". and i used to think that was a load of bull shit. but u know what, i see it now. it really does hurt to breathe, it makes me nausous and my stomach cramps. i am nothing without u, i am falling apart. im not gonna be able to just get over u.

for me the hardest thing for me to understand is how u can just give up. i love u so much and i would do anything to make this work. and yet its like ur throwing it all away, because of what might happen. the truth is u control what happens, if u want it to end differently u can make that happen. i figured if we loved eachother enough we could at least try, im willing to. but u dont want to, cuz u can only see one outcome from this.

what do u think is gonna happen, that ill wake up one day and realize ur an asshole? NEVER. if i had any doubts of my love for u i would have never agreed to marry u and be with u forever. i know that i would wake up ever single morning and be so thankful that u were right there next to me. i would have a smile on my face every day that u walked in the door from work, thankful that i get to kiss u. i just want u to know how happy u made me.

u really completed me, now that we arent together its like u have been ripped away form me. u were a part of me, and now that parts gone, i feel so empty, like a part of me really is missing. i guess thats the part that wants to eat and sleep, cuz the part that still loves u is still there. and it keeps causing me so much pain.

last nite u said something about being hurt to many times, and u were afraid that i would hurt u. i have no idea what makes u think that i would hurt u. just like i dont know what makes u think that i would hate u either. u said that ur sorry over and over again. i really wish u would take the chance, the chance that we will be happy together.

am i not worth the chance?

i want to spend the rest of my life with u, i want to make u happy, cuz u make me happy.



im still not ready to let go, but i am doing better, i dont cry ALL the time. i took another step, i took the ring off today. after u left i put it up with urs, ull see it. its just a way of me letting of something thats not there.

even though im not wearing it, i still love u. and if u reconsider before i leave just talk to me.