never in a million years would i have ever done that to u, i dont know how else to say it.

Apr 10, 2006
11:14 AM

i have moved in with james and his mom and his brother.

i kinda sorta have my own room its sorta an out of the way dining room. but it works better than taras couch and jumping from house to house

im doing better but i still feel hella stupid for all of this, and i keep finding new stuff out.

i found out that even though i was never anything but honest and completley open with him, he lies to me. like i dont deserve the truth. i dont care what he does but i just dont like people thinking they can lie to me like i am stupid, and i just wont catch on or find out.

and i guess he thinks that i cheated on him too. god that pissed me off so bad, i instantly burst into tears when i heard that. he thinks that when i came down here to give him the space that i figured he needed, and i spent the night at james's house that i slept with james. because i go drunk and "i know how she is when she gets drunk". well for ur information, i was truly happy and i had something that i cherished with him. i never before felt the way i did with him. i would never do anything to jepardize what we had. i would do anything to make it work and i would never do anythin to fuck it up. i just cant think of anything else to say to that besides what would make him think that i would just stop caring and do something so stupid.

all i can say is that i would never do something to hurt u, even though all this has hurt me so bad. it really ruined me for life. im not gonna be the same anymore. i used to be easygoing and care free, and willing to give things a chance. but now, now i know that trying does nothing. every time i give in and try to be happy, try to do something with my life, its ripped away from me. and this time when it was ripped away, it took half of me with it. i am empty and sad now. i cant be happy, i can fake it sure, but really i am not here anymore. the happy part of me is gone. im done.