Bullshit

Sep 28, 2008
8:07 AM

I can't believe this is all because I tried to put my issues aside. Tried to realize that he is a big part of your life and I can deal with it. Tried to not be so childish.

I realized that I don't need to hate him, don't need to ban him from the house, it doesn't really matter, its just gonna create more drama.

I tried to be a bigger person and just put shit behind me. And look what happened.

Our living room is in the garage.

We have roommates, who have say in this house too. When Heather came to me, I tried my damdest to make her happy, as well as you at the same time. I tried to come to you with the problem in a reasonable manner, I wasn't mad, I was simply trying to smooth the whole situation over.

But you got pissed at me. Pissed at the whole situation. Wouldn't even talk to me when you got home, as if it was all my fault. You told me before you got home that you had a solution, would work it out when you got home. But you wouldnt tell me what it was.

How did I know you were gonna take the living room tv out to the garage? It crossed my mind, was sure it would cross yours, but I didn't think you would actually do it.

I'm sick. I'm tired. I'm frustrated, dissapointed, scared, sad, and just about every other bad emotion right now.

I hate to think of what I am about to say, but I've spent time thinking about it.

Something changes when you are around Jay. All of a sudden in the last week, you have been different towards me. Different in general. It seems like you have this "I don't give a fuck about anyone" attitude. You automatially assume that I hate that you are talking to Jay, when actually I hate the way you are talking to me. You have purposfully kept info from me, stupid shit I know, but still. You are very uncompromising, uncaring, and short tempered. Granted that shit went bad last night and you felt how you felt, you didn't even care that you said such rude things to me, and hurt me so bad. I didn't even cry, I just completely shut down, I couldn't believe you said that shit to me, it was the worst I had felt in a long time. And you didn't seem to care at all, not one fucking bit. You were way more concerned about going to hang out with Jay. And then you didn't care about texting me when you stayed out last night. We've been down that path before, and I thought that was explained, and understood. But yet again, you don't care. And tonight you didn't care about anything but hanging out with Jay and doing exactly what you had planned on doing. Even though I came to you even tempered, just trying to find a solution, you got pissed at me like its my fault. Its not. I let down my guard about a lot of shit with Jay. I said it was fine to be in your man cave, and then fine to be in the house, I was even gonna hookah with him last night. I have been trying to move on with this, but its still my fault isn't it. Because you had plans with Jay tonight, and because they conflicted with Heather, you turned into a complete asshole. You took our 42 lcd from the living room into the garage, and the couch from the living room too, just so you could play halo with Jay. Because those were your plans and you werent changing them for anyone.

And to think all this really happened because of me, because I tried to let shit go. I tried to be a bigger, better person, and look what happened. I guess it is my fault then.

I'm tired of trying to make everyone happy. I'm tired of caring about everyone but myself. I always get fucked. I'm so fucking tired of everything. Tired of the drama, tired of the bullshit, tired of the stress, tired of being broke, tired of being sad, tired of trying to keep my head together and let the little shit slide. I have been so fine for a while now, and what the hell happened. I am completley upside down.

I'm tired of fighting, slamming doors, crying, mornings when I wake up and you're not there, tired of you keeping stupid bits of info from me, tired of so much shit.

Tired of being awake, tired of existing.

Everything is so fucking stupid. I've tried so hard, and look, we're back at square one. Its fucking bullshit, but thats my life.