Love.

Aug 13, 2009 11:57 PM

The way you tell me you love me, and for the most part, the way I tell you I love you.
It sounds so simple. So comfortable.

As much as I love you, and have loved you for years now, I never really understood it all until now.

I still remember the first time I ever told you. The emotions washing over me, the tears rolling down my cheeks. It was some mixture of intense happiness, clarity, and fear all in one. And I can honestly say I had never been that overwhelmed by love ever before in my life.

Now, I don't love you any less, not at all. But it's changed, grown, and I understand it more. I always thought if you loved someone, that meant you would do ANYTHING for them. But I don't think I really ever thought about what 'anything' meant, didn't understand the depth that phrase had. I never really had any good role models to show me what love really meant, and this is me figuring it out as I go I guess.

I understand now that I love you more than anything else in this world. And I would really do anything for you. Even when I swore I hated you, it was really more me trying to convince myself to hate you, and I see that now. Hell, I had to sleep diagonal on my bed just to get through the nights, cuz just laying there alone felt wrong. But when I talked to you or anyone else, I hated you. It was all lies.

I want you. I want you beside me forever and ever. I want to be able to hold you whenever I want. Even now I can still feel energy when I hug you, when I lay on your chest, there's just something different when out bodies come together. I know exactly what I want, and I'm not scared of it at all.

But you. Honestly I think that you know that we are supposed to be together. You know that we should be married and that I'm the one you will love forever will all your heart. But, those thoughts scare the hell out of you, and you're not ready for them. And I understand that.

I love you so much. And I want you to be mine so bad. But above that, I want you to be happy. If this is what makes you happy right now then so be it. I don't want to pressure you into anything that is going to make you unhappy now, or in the long run. And if what I feel is true, then someday you'll come back to me. Someday things will all work out. Someday we'll get married, and I'll get to wake up to you beside me every morning for the rest of my life.

But for now, this works. It's not the best it could be, but I'm ok, I'm just glad to have you in my life. I love you with all my heart, and I'm pretty sure that'll never change.