Was it really too much

Jun 1, 2009 9:44 PM

As I sit here crying I try to think of what the hell just happened.
I've been scared and I finally realized why. I finally felt like I figured it out.
We're supposed to be completely honest with eachother.
So I told you.
Told you that I want this. I want this with you.
I have always seen you as the father of my kids, as an awesome dad.

But after everything that has happened. I just don't know if I can trust you will be there through everything that this commitment will need.

Bieng with me, having that title is too much commitment and responsibility. Too much being tied down to something. You hated me for manipulating you into a form of yourself you didn't even recognize. You hated that you worked all the time and never got to spend your money the way you wanted. You were so angry for being trapped in the serious relationship with me.

Having a kid, its so much more than having a relationship with someone else. It takes so much maturity, commitment, responsibility. It takes everything that you didn't want with me.

Its hare for me to grasp, let alone trust. And all I wanted was for you to do something, talk to me, write to me, show me something that came from your heart. Something that would make me believe 100 percent that I woudln't be in this alone. That whatever happens you would always be there for your kid.

I'm sorry that this hurts you, that wasn't my intention. I knew it might be hard to take, but I didn't realize you would be this upset. I wasn't trying to accuse you, and I'm sorry thats the way it came across.

Think of how I feel too right now. THis is a life changing event. Yes I want a child, I would love that kid to death, its everyting I've wanted for a while. And yes I want it with you, becasue I feel that you would be an amazing dad and I love you. But I'm scared shitless. All I wanted you to do was promise me that you would never ever walk away from our child, in some way. To show me that with our past things went shitty, and life is uncertain, but with this I could 100 percent trust you.