Mar 13, 2008
7:47 PM
Current mood:crappy
You’re mad at me. For what? For feeling like I deserve a break every now and then? You wonder what I’m gonna do when I get a different job, one that doesn’t have breaks like this one. How will I manage then? What will I do?
I do deserve a break. You deserve one just as much as me, and I’m sorry you don’t have them like I do. I’m sorry my breaks happen to be unpaid. I’m sorry that every few months I skip a beat in the money making process. But I am not sorry that I get them. I need them. I have been over this before.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t have medical insurance so I can’t get a professional opinion at the moment. But I have come to the conclusion that I am bipolar, and you seem to agree with that. Thats step one, figuring out the problem.
Step two is fixing it or coping with it. Now, since I don’t have any sort of insurance, I have to find ways to deal with my spiraling roler coaster of emotions in a more home remedy style. And I think, what better way to level out than have a little vacation? Not actually go anywhere, not spend any money, just sit back and watch time go on past you. Do absolutley nothing but the things I wanna do for a whole week. Think about my life, the things I have done and the places I’m headed, and remind myself that everythings not scary, it’s really all right on track.
So yet again, here we are. You’re mad at me because I get to take a break. Us sleeping on seprate sides of the bed not touching eachother. All because I’m excited about getting a week off work. And you know what, thats my job. I get breaks. Am I supposed to freak out about the breaks and the lack of pay just like I freak out about everything else in life? Or am I just supposed to get another job? Oh yea, what am I gonna do when I get another job? One that has no breaks? I don’t fucking know. But I bet I’ll go insane. I’ll be more exausted than I am every day now, and I’ll be more miserable.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m trying to cope with myself here. I’m fighting battles with my own mind every day. I mean this should be one of the happiest moments in my life right now. We just got a house, and we move in tomorrow. I have you, and I’m gonna get Sam. Everything is coming together. And yet, here I am writing this as I wipe tears from my face. And after I’m done, I’m gonna crawl into bed. But we won’t touch, you won’t hold me, because you’re mad at me.
Michael Burton
So I guess then that it's wrong of me to want to have a break too. Shit I would love a beak. But guess what I don't get one. I don't get to take a vacation for ANOTHER year. I’m sorry that you flaunting this break that “So badly need” upset’s me. I’m sorry that the lack of pay gets to me. But you get breaks all the time. If I took an unpaid week guess what. We would lose all the shit we have been fighting for. This is the adult world you can’t just take a break cuz you feel like it. We’ve discussed the fact that you need a new job. One that doesn’t pay you for 9 months of the year. Yet because the problem isn’t in front of us you have forgotten it. It’s March already… And it’s half way over. Three months until you are back to the no work shit again. And guess what, this is about the time you started looking last year. We can’t stop looking I know you like your job but we need more, and it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen anytime soon. And I for one DO NOT want to lose this house because we don’t have enough to pay for it. Cuz if Jay doesn’t get working by July the same month your money gets in… That’s 1900 from me, 400 from you and what ever aid we get from Sammie for a $1200 Rent, $250 car, $200 Insurance, $150 Phones. And that’s my checks right there. And that’s before gas and food and what ever else may come up. And for our age I have a good job. But of course you make it all on me.
And for the no touching thing, that did happen, but only cuz I was mad that you jumped into bed after reaming me about not doing that exact thing.
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