Not the same

Jan 13, 2009
5:09 AM

I have come to the conclusion that every man on the face of the earth is the same in this quality. I didn't used to think so, but now I'm pretty sure. Even if a man loves a woman, there comes a point in every relationship where he is bored with her. Not turned on by her, doesn't really want her, but loves her and doesn't want to hurt her. I used to think that there were men that would love another woman with their whole heart and be happy knowing that they would have her as much as they wanted. Be happy just having her.

Maybe I'm just a freak of nature. I guess its not normal that I love you with every fiber of my being, and I'm content with that. I would be the happiest woman in the world as long as I woke up next to you every day. I am so happy to have you that I don't give a fuck about any other guys. I am perfectly capable of loving you forever, and never getting bored, never wishing I had a different guy. And no one else around me at all seems to think the same way.

You know, its funny. I thought honestly, you could be the one. But I never said it out loud, maybe I was too afraid to jinx it. Maybe I was too afraid to actually admit that I considered such a thing. But the truth is, I could see us having kids together, I could see us getting married, I could see us having a happy life. But I don't want that life to be built on lies. I don't want any more fake smiles in my life.

I love you and want you so bad it hurts just thinking of the possibility that we might go our separate ways. Thinking that I might not get to sleep next to you again. Thinking that you would never hold me in your arms again.

But it also hurts to think that things aren't the same anymore. You may love me, but its not the same. I don't want to pretend. I want to truly be happy.